Dating rambles....really just to clear my head...read only if you really feel like it

Sometimes I find life interesting. There has been a guy I've had a crush on all semester pretty much. I first noticed him when I was dating my last boyfriend. I was in a relationship so I didn't really think too much of it, but I definitely notice he was cute. Just so this doesn't get confusing I'm going to make up a fake name for my crush...Alexander. Alex for short. After ending things with my ex I took more notice of Alex. It seemed as though he was interested in someone else, but I figured it never hurt to try. They weren't actually dating so I thought I would have a shot. I figured out that I knew Alex's sister. She told me that I needed to marry her brother. After discovering who her brother was I completely agreed. It was funny to me that I already had a crush on him. So we chatted for a while and shared stories. Then I decided I needed to put in a little more effort.

I discovered that he played basketball on Tuesday nights. I have been dedicating my life to volleyball for the past few years, but figured it was worth a shot. I was a little rusty, but I've still got a decent shot. I ended up leaving right after we were done the first week. The girl he seemed to be interested in was there and I didn't want to make a scene. I figured I'd see him at volleyball the next night. Didn't work as planned. Needless to say I spent the next couple of weeks trying to put myself in places he would be. It was hard because I didn't have his number, I wasn't in the same ward and he wasn't coming to the normal places I would see him at.

I kept going to basketball. I could count on him being there for the most part. One week I waited around so that I could have a conversation with him. Even though it was just for 15 minutes and about school I was hoping it would show him I was a little interested. I still wasn't getting anything in return. He didn't ask me for my number. He was always nice and willing to talk when I initiated things, but that was it really. Now I don't want someone to give me attention if they aren't interested, but give me something.

I was talking to an old bishop of mine and he said that he needed to approve the next guy I dated. He started naming off people that he deemed appropriate. After a couple names, I wasn't really interested in, I told him there was actually someone I wouldn't mind dating. He perked right up..."oh who." "Alex."

Bishop said he had been talking to Alex's sister earlier that day and she had said he was in a little bit of a dilemma. Trying to decide between two girls. My heart sank. There is no way I could compete with two girls. I thought one was bad enough. He didn't mention it at the time but the other girl was me.

Bishop was shocked to find out that we had never even gone on a date. It was flattering that I was in the running with a girl he spent all his time with. We hadn't even gone on a date. The only times we really interacted were during sporting events. I wish that I had know he was even interested, but he didn't give me any sign that I was even in the running. I would tried a little harder.

In the mean time I've gone on three dates in the past three weeks with three different guys. All of which have asked me out for a second time. I find it ironic that I can't get the guy I like to give me the time of day, but every other guy on the planet seems to think now is a good time to ask me out.

I have finals next week and then I'm moving to SLC for six weeks for a clinical rotation. I don't think now is the time to get involved with anyone. I've done the distance thing before and I wasn't a fan.

Christopher once told me that the only way a relationship was going to work for me was if I liked the guy first. I am really starting to agree. The problem with this theory is that guys I am interested in don't ask me out. I think there has only even been one guy that worked with and it took him three months to get around to it. I'm not a very patient person when it comes to things like this. But the lord has told me to be patient. Christopher also told me that maybe one of my problems is that I'm dating people the majority of the year. Maybe I just need to not date. So I decided that was what I was going to do...not date for a while. Let things settle and figure out what my goals are and where my life is headed right now. It seems like the second I made this decision it is everything that I can do to escape the next phone call asking if I have plans this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I am flattered. I just don't like having to turn people down. Especially when they ask you out again while you are on a date. But I really need this time right now. I need to be happy with me and where my life is going by myself. Adding other people to the mix just complicates things.

So here is hoping that I can be patient like the lord has asked me. I've learned that the Lord is good on his promises. If he tells me to do something it is most beneficial for me to listen the first time. Although I still have trials, they aren't nearly as hard as the hard times I create for myself. So with any luck I can figure out what the lord is trying to teach me. After 25 years you'd think I would catch on to things a little quicker.

Beatitudes

I just want to start off by saying that I'm so grateful for the people in my life that see the potential I have and remind to do the things I need to progress in life. Special thanks to Brother Crockett!

Earlier in the semester I was bummed about not being able to be in institute choir, yet again this semester. I will be going on clinicals soon and that is when they have all of their performances. I was talking to the director about just sitting in on the class, even though he didn't have room for me to sing with them. I asked him if I could still get credit for coming to class.

He asked me why I didn't take another class. I said that I just didn't have the time. My schedule is pretty busy. He said that he understood, but asked me to really think about it and strongly encouraged me to take another class. It wasn't just about me. I could learn from other people and other people needed to learn from me. I really respect Brother Crockett's opinion and his words just kept coming back to me. I've learned enough to know that I should do what he said. My friend Joe said he was taking a New Testament class Thursday nights. I have never taken New Testament before and thought I'd give it a shot. I didn't know the teacher, but took a leap of faith that I would have time and would be blessed for going.

Can I just say that was one of the best choices I made this semester. Brother Packer really knows how to bring the spirit into class and I've learned so much every week. The other students have great insights as well and we end up having some pretty deep discussions.

Today, we were studying the beatitudes in Matthew 5. I've read this chapter before, but Brother Packer got me to look past the words and understand what the Savior was really trying to teach. It is amazing the insight you can find by truly studying the Saviors words and not just reading them. He gives us all tools we need to return to him. As we look to him we can see how simple and glorious his gospel really is. It gives us all the steps we need to take to become like him and take our place in God's kingdom.

I left class with a new perspective on what becoming perfected in Christ means.Perfect can be defined as complete, finished or fully developed. It doesn't mean we will be free from sin.Through the atonement of Christ we can be perfect. As we become fully developed Christ pays for our sins, when we are repentant. Then as we are sanctified in Christ we can dwell in God's presence. Perfection is attainable!

basketball = life lessons

I've been so focused on volleyball the past few years that I forgot how much I really enjoy playing basketball. I've started playing again and noticed some things that might apply to the rest of life.

1)It is really all about the fundamentals. Box out, rebound, follow through, follow your shot and play help defense. In relating this to life that is really what the gospel is about, fundamentals. Read your scriptures, pray, follow the commandments, attend the temple, go to church.

2)You've got to move the ball around and look for the open man. Don't hesitate when there is an opening. In life the spirit lets you know when you need to do something. It prompts you to take a shot, to help someone. Sometimes you don't really understand why, or you hesitate and your opportunity is lost. The lord knows what the plan is so follow the play, a shot will open up, sometimes you just have to be patient.

3)I'm so out of shape. Basketball is a game of constant movement. If you don't practice and prepare your going to be holding your side wishing there was air conditioning or that the other player would just slow down. Spiritually we can't afford to take a break or let Satan get ahead of us. He isn't going to slow down. He knows what we are capable of and has his team in a full court press. We have got to be on our game. The second we let up he is going to take advantage. The game is a lot easier to win if you don't have to come back from a 20 point deficit at half time.

4)Sometimes we can't see what is coming. When you take the ball down the court in a fast break you don't know who is behind you or how close they are. Sometimes you try to make a pass and forget that a guy on the other team has a 3 foot vertical and a 7 foot wing span. We can't get discouraged when we throw a bad pass or miss a shot. The game keeps going. We have to keep our mind on the future and decide how we and going to improve next time. You have to get back on defense so you can steal the ball or get the next rebound. Life is hard. You can't give up every time something doesn't work out how you think it should. Even the best player misses or throws a bad pass sometimes.

So I guess what I'm say is when life gets you down don't give up. You've spent too much time becoming who you are and as you apply yourself and practice the principles of the gospel in your life you will improve and start to realize your true potential. If things in life weren't hard we would never learn anything or grow. We need to have trials and test to make us strong so we can take on the next challenge. As we become optimistic and look for the benefit of our experiences we can be enlightened and our understanding will be expanded.