Agency....everyone has a choice

It is interesting how we think that life is going according to planned and that everything will work out the way we want it, but I've learned a lot about agency in the last week or so.

First, I learned about my agency. I've felt for a long time that I should tell the boy I was dating how I felt about him. I was nervous and unsure of how he would react. I'd been working up the courage for a while and finally decided I couldn't take it anymore. I had been in Oregon for about two weeks. So I wrote a fairly long email to him explaining my feelings and inquiring as to his thoughts on the subject.
( MY CHOICE MADE)


Second, I learned about others agency. Apparently he had been thinking for a little while too. Sadly his thoughts didn't match up with mine. After explaining his point of view, he asked me what I was thinking. I was thinking that there wasn't much I could do at this point. I had expressed my feelings because I needed to. They were still true. That really was how I felt about him. I told him that I wasn't going to try to change his mind. He had obviously thought about it and it was his choice to make. I can't make anyone love me. I can't make anyone change who they are or how they feel. Everyone gets to make their own choices and decisions. He asked me how I was doing. I said I was going to be sad, but I wasn't going to hate him if that was his worry.
(HIS CHOICE MADE)

I've done a lot of growing up in the last 25 years. I know that I still have things to learn and things to overcome, but I would like to think that I've learned to respect other's decisions. I in turn have to make decisions based on the information I gather from the world around me.

Third, I learned from institute this week. We were discussing choices and agency. My teacher made a statement that really struck me. He said, "When you don't  know the consequences of what you are choosing, you aren't really choosing." How many things to we do without knowing what will come from it? Do we really seek out answers and understanding before we take a leap in one direction or another? I know that we need to have faith in all things, but shouldn't it be informed faith?

I'm so grateful to have the gospel in my life. I am grateful for all the people around me who I know love and support me in the things I am trying to accomplish. I am blessed to have a faithful bishop that knows just what to say and is inspired on so many occasions. I am blessed to have parents who will talk to me for hours when ever I need someone to just listen (of course their share their advice as well). I'm thankful to have brothers that will give me hugs through text messages because they are too far away and know that is just what I need at the moment. I am grateful for friends that understand what I'm going through because they are right there with me. I am grateful for the amazing times I had and the things I learned through my relationship. I know there is someone out there for me. I know that when the time is right things will work out. I know the lord has a plan and that as I make the choice to be righteous and live up to my covenants that I will be blessed beyond my comprehension. Thank you, to all of you who help me everyday and are shining examples of who I want to become, I couldn't be me without you.   

I would like to think that this scene helped prepare me to be strong. The lords creations bring such strength and reassurance that he cares about us every moment of the day.

Safety pin please...

Rather than doing my homework or going to bed, I thought I would update my blog really quick. 

I've started week 3 of my clinical. It is weird to think that next week is midterms already. While time is flying by there are also aspects that are going really slow. 

I've started doing a lot more at work lately. I've been treating all but one of our patients (a more complicated case) all by myself. I do the treatments and documentation. I've been discharging patients and deciding whether or not they are safe to walk in the halls with a walker by themselves. I'm starting to feel almost like I know what I'm doing...except I really have so much to learn. I need to stop doing exercises because my clinical instructor did and come up with my own reasoning. It is fine to use her exercise, but if I don't know why I'm using them what am I really learning? Another thing I need to learn to do is nag people every ten seconds. I need to correct every small thing that people are doing wrong in an exercise. I need to remind them to stand up straight, look straight ahead, widen their steps, take even steps with both feet, pay attention to where the walls are. I need to make sure they always have a gait belt on. I need to decide how independent they can be and when they are safe to go home. The list goes on and on. I know that people think physical therapists just like to torture people and see people in pain, but really we just like to see people walk out of the rehab unit on their own two feet. There is nothing better than that. 

I've come to love so many of my patients. I had to send one of my favorites home last week and it was so sad to see her go, but I was happy that she finally got to go home after her long stay in the hospital. By chance I got to see her today and she just brightened up my day. 

I have another patient I'm working with who is making amazing progress. He was practicing standing today and his wife started tearing up. She hasn't seen him stand in almost 4 weeks. Then the other therapist started tearing up and then I just couldn't help it. Here was the patient surrounded by 3 tearing up women while he just practiced standing up. He said he just has that effect on women. :) I love being around him and feeling his attitude and spirit in such a hard time. He appreciates what everyone is doing for him and just wants to get better. He isn't blaming anyone for what happened to him and doesn't want to make things harder for anyone else. I hope that if something like this were to happen to me I could keep this same attitude. 

Working in this setting has made me appreciate the fact that I didn't receive a spinal cord injury during my ATV accident 6 years ago. My brain damage was even minor and mostly resolved itself without lingering effects. Things could have been so much worse. I thank God that he has given me this chance to help other people and improve others quality of life. 

On top of work being awesome, I've made some really good friends here. I've really needed some close friends the past couple of years and it is nice to be appreciated. I get invited to activities and people are sad when I have to do my homework. Overall Oregon has been a great blessing to me. I hope that I will remember the things I learn here forever. 

Oregon Trail

Hmmmm....where to begin.

It has been a little while since I've blogged.

I finished my fifth semester of graduate school last week. I still have a 3.60 GPA...not too shabby. I passed all my classes while successfully dating my boyfriend for 3 months and still going strong. Not that impressive to some, but to those who really know me this is momentous step for me.

I just moved to Eugene, Oregon on Friday. I'm here for two months doing a clinical for school. Eugene is a whole new experience that I didn't really prepare myself for. It is a huge city that I really haven't explored yet. Although I have met a lot of great people already and had some spectacular adventures. The weather has been really nice since I got here. It was little colder today, but the sun was still shining. I'm going to be really sad when it starts raining again, but I guess that is what living in Oregon entails.

I've also decided to start training for the National Racquetball Tournament next year. It will be held in March next year in Southern California. I figure that whether or not I really end up going I need to get my body back in condition. I've let a lot of things go during school and now is the time when I should be in prime physical condition. I'm not getting any younger. I needed something to motivate me to push myself harder and this is just the thing. Plus the fact that I'm a little addicted to racquetball now and want to improve my skills. I've only been playing since mid January, so it will be interesting to see how far I can progress in a year.

View from the top of Spencer's Butte

I guess that is all for now. I just wanted you to know I was still alive.